I was told in therapy that people who are mentally sick tend to be healthier than most when it comes to living life. What it came down to was passion, & apparently we are extremely passionate people. We just have issues with connecting our passion with our thoughts and actions. We need help in doing so, which is where therapy and medications come in. I was told people with mental illness have an exorbitant amount of passion for life due to the fact that we are unable to use it or we dont have it for periods of time due to being burned out and using up our neurotransmitters before we can replenish them. It makes sense to me. I am an extremely passionate person in all aspects of my life, & I outclass my peers or more deeply experience subjects with things I can actually can pour my passion into. It is just a rarity that I actually have the will to pour my passion into something because I constantly feel depleted of resources. I am devoid material that would allow my soul to blossom and flourish. I have all this passion yet cannot find the drive to pour it into something. I cannot find passion in what I want to do, so it sits in excess waiting for the right time. It comes out in bursts of anger or during intimacy with someone, yet never truly gets to be released.
I often wonder if I will ever reacquire the ability to find passion in all things in my life, or if I am doomed to be chained down by my illness and never set free. I am fearful for what may happen if I do not. I can only remain calm and collected for so long with the passion I have boiling inside me, yearning for release, before I explode. I simply want to show my love and appreciate for life because it is so beautiful, but instead I feel trapped inside a body that is devoid of life & i cannot continue to live like this. I don’t know where to go and what to do in order to free myself from whatever it is I am suffering from in terms of struggling with finding out how to apply my passion to and in life. I just want to be happy and show it.