Attempted suicide last night. I failed at it like everything else in life. I’m tired of being a fuck up. I just want to be successful or I want to be dead. I’m not okay with who I am. M and lots of others don’t want me around for the time being, & I can understand why. I place unecessary amounts of stress on them.

Nothing in life makes sense. I just want things to make sense.

4 comments

  1. I am glad you survived. You are not a fuck up, you are a survivor, and just being alive is a success at your age, with what you have been through. I once thought of myself as a “fuck up” too, and survived all kinds of trauma and BS. I went on to eventually go to Ivy League, get successful jobs, scholarships, awards, etc etc. But not until in my 20s. It takes the time it takes. And being honest and doing what you need to do to keep yourself safe, sane, and well, is what will make you a true success. Being a decent human being is the best thing you can ever be. I see that as my greatest achievement.

    Like

    1. I’ve grown up my entire life hating my self and living in perpetual doubt. I am satisfied with nothing I do. Every way I turn I hit a wall. I’ve been backed into a corner and I’m not sure what to do. I am confused & scared. I have nothing but self destructive habits. I am unsure where to go & what to do.
      I thank you for your kind words. They mean something to me, but right now I’m not quite sure how they make me feel. I apologize for that.
      I just don’t want to be confused anymore. I hate being confused.

      Like

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