The past few days I have found myself seething with an anger that knows no bounds. It drips off every word I speak, it shadows every movememnt I make, it consumes my thoughts and I cannot expel visions of violence from my psyche. I do not mind it though; in fact I embrace it. I remember back to a time when I used anger as a fuel for everything in my life. For years it has lain dormant, a maelstrom of anguish simply waiting to be unleashed again. It has gained larger reservoirs in the time that has past. It has exceeded its prison and now it spills over into everything I do without consent, creating a dangerous concotion of emotions that will lead either to annihilation of what I am trying to accomplish or towards a zenith in my life. That is the only thing that terrifies me. I am unsure of which line I currently walk. Sometimes success feels so close when in reality you are destroying everything you’ve worked so hard for. Other times you are sure youre destroying everything when in fact you are repairing old bridges and building new ones. This confusion only turns my frustration into rage. It is a neverending cycle and what was there before to keep me in place and keep me grounded is now gone. That is not their fault though. I have pushed them away, and I know now my rage has caused a rift between that may never be repaired. I am so angry with myself. I don’t know what to do, how to repair the damage I’ve caused, how to turn my rage into a weapon I can wield instead of an all consuming maw of oblivion. Once I figure out how to control and wield my rage I will be unstoppable in all I seek out to conquer. I just need to figure out how the fuck to do this. Im at a loss though. I’m at the mercy of rage for the time being. I pray to God that it will guide me to repair instead of destroy.

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