I am going full off the deep end and plunging into the unknown of the future. Im trying to let go of everything in the past and just focus on myself for once. Fuck everything else, i need to take care of my own. All my life I have clung to the past, because it was the only thing I knew that was certain. I am terrified of the unknown, of not having control over my life and what is going to happen to me, over how others perceive me. In my head i hear the thunderous pounding of a swelling river of emotion, freed from its flood gates. It is no longer just mind blackening rage. Crippling fear and a dense mist of confusion have joined the fray. What comes from this I can’t begin to comprehend. My life is going to change drastically. I imagine it to be like sleep, where it happens slowly then all at once. I could be wrong. I am not okay with that.
I feel like I’m treading the waters of River Styx, aware of the fact that their are demons in my head yet unaware of how many and what form they are in. I’ve kept them locked away beyond the dark rooms, inside pandoras box; I am terrified of not being able to control them, of letting them loose beyond the dark. Their voices echo around in the caverns of my head and sometimes when I speak they answer back.