People don’t seem to understand the rage I have caged inside of me. They think they can relate, but they can’t. I bathe in rage. It always finds its way into every thought, every passing moment I find it lurking there. Every scenario i’ve dreamed about, envisioned in my head as I do something mindless, and even during ones that require intense focus. Its there. Traipsing. It stalks me with no motive other than to just be present. I envision murder for no reason, death for no reason, maiming others for no reason. Lashing out and burning bridges, for no reason other than to sate the beast. I feel so out of control. I’m afraid what I dream will come true, or perhaps I fear that I am already on the path of making it a reality.
I am not a violent or bitter person. I am not angry. I just have a rage inside so vast in scope it blots out reason and morality. It destroys and corrupts all it touches.
I do not know where it stems from. It’s always been there. I’ve used it for fuel, thinking one day maybe it will run out, but all thats done has made its depth unfathomable. It knows no bounds, and its always increasing. It strikes fear into my heart, because I am afraid I will hurt the ones I love. I know I will hurt the ones I love.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.