Well its been about a month since Ive last been on here. Life has been pretty good. My meds are finally right with no needed adjustments necessary right now. Still looking for a job but I think I might just take one 3rd shift at this store on the corner by where I live. Normally I wouldnt do this since I’m a pretty proud person and think anything thats not important is beneath me, but im trying to broaden my horizions and to do so, I think I need to humble myself. Goals are to get a car, find a better job after thats been established, hit the gym daily once I have my car, then find a place to live that isnt my parents house. Baby steps though, baby steps. I just need to focus on whats in front of me and take that on first before I even start to think about the future and what I want to do. Its nice to have a plan and all, but you need to complete the small tasks before you in order to conquer the larger task beyond those small ones. Right now my big plan is just going back to school. Not finding a career, not get married, not have kids, not anything but just going back to school.

Now that I have a woman in my life again life seems a bit more approachable. I have someone to lean on and someone who leans on me. We feed off eachothers energy and keep eachother in check. We support one another. Thats all I really want and need.

I’ll try and keep in touch more frequently. Its just been on the back of my mind really and no drive has been present to post until tonight. Thanks!

Small thoughts Big thoughts

While roofing yesterday I busy getting lost in thought. Sometimes it can be mindless, especially the clean up. We tore off an entire section of a roof yesterday, so think a massive pile of them. Whilst picking them up and bringing them down the hill to the dump truck I began to notice, or rather think about how this connected my life. You see, all the large shingles were heavy, but once you got done with them, that was it. No more dealing with them. The small pieces though, the nails and small scrap/debris, they were constantly causing trouble. They were falling back out of the piles i made and picked up, they were slipping through the cracks in my fingers and making life difficult. Somewhere during this I connected it to my life.

Its massive exertion moving the shingles, or dealing with the big problems in life, but once you’re done with them, thats it. You’ve conquered that enemy. The small scrap bits however, those are the little battles in life that add up over time. The ones that constantly beat you up while you don’t pay attention. The ones that you can never really deal with, just get enough done to not worry about it too much.

It’s a lot like a hard breakup. You can get over it initially. Thats the really hard part, but once thats done, you’re better. Its the small stuff, the realization you do everything alone now again. You sleep alone, you eat alone, you go do daily tasks alone. Its these things that weigh heavily on my mind. It’s these things that make life so difficult even though they are small in scope.

The big things in life aren’t really that bad. Its the little things that get us down and make us miss what once was. The big picture isn’t so bad until you look at the details and realize some of the puzzle pieces are missing.